The Lost Weekend

Rogan and redban dropped by The Warehouse of Dreams this weekend (11/03/12) to throw down a little pod before heading out to The Moore theater for a standup comedy extravaganza with myself and the very funny Greg Fitzsimmons.

Here is the official Rogan Board thread where it all went down in real time:


First off, I want to say that I may have been a little out of line when I threatened to put Rogan in a “real naked choke” once it appeared that he would be a couple hours late… and despite my initial suspicions that Rogan may be “in the bubble” due to his wealth, fame and inability to keep track of time -I can now say unequivocally that Rogan is probably the most grounded dude I’ve ever met. For example, he showed up driving a rental SUV and parallel parked that thing like a boss right outside our studio. I know that may not sound like a big deal to most, but many celebrities don’t even know how to toast a piece of bread and if I had RoganBucks, my primary mode of transportation would be a bed of bald eagle feathers, stitched together with golden thread and carried on the backs of my harem of strippers -so kudos to Rogan for keeping it real.

Along with Rogan and redban, Angry Amadeus sat in on this Modcast and even though it was no JRE, I feel it was some solid pod. Judge for yourself, by watching the video below… we usually fire up the streams and test the gear before we actually start, so you may want to fast forward a bit… also, once we realized Rogan was going to be late we decided to start podding without him -so you may want to skip to about an hour in or so if you are more paggot than maggot.



One interesting aspect to this Modcast was redban streaming it live from his iPad mini. This gave him the freedom to wander around the studio and get up close and personal with the robots while we podded. The quality is surprisingly good and apparently you can stream video with that thing from just about anywhere… in fact, we found out Rogan was running late when someone told us they were watching him eat lunch live.

That’s right, redban streamed their lunch from his mini and Rogan told me later that about 700 people watched.

You people should be ashamed of yourselves. Seriously. That’s just creepy.

You can see redban’s Modcast stream here:


After The Modcast, I hopped in Rogan’s Escalade with redban and we headed to the hotel to pick up Greg Fitzsimmons before heading to The Moore. For what it’s worth, Fitzsimmons was also with some cute reporter from NPR who was doing a piece on him so keep your eyes open for that. He wasn’t sure what the name of the show is or when it’s coming out, but I’m sure you can find it if you’re looking once it’s released. Also, go see this man’s comedy and buy his albums because he is seriously one of the best out there.

I have to admit, even though I have done this once before, I still peed a little when I peeked out from behind the curtains and saw that mic stand facing a sea of paggots, stoners, UFC freaks and schizophrenics.


redban went up first and he dominated… seriously. I have not seen his standup before and even though I was mostly pacing behind the curtain preparing myself for my set, I could still hear a good solid rhythm of continual laughter throughout. I was really impressed and anyone who says redban is just getting a lucky break because of his association with Rogan has either never stepped out on that stage before or is just a jealous bitch because nobody can save you once you are out there all alone and he nailed it.

After redban put in a solid ten, I went up for ten minutes or so as well. It feels like it went pretty well, but honestly I was so wrapped up in my material and trying to get everything just right, that the whole set just kind of flew by. Unfortunately, the mouth breathing, slope headed, drooling mongoloids I left in charge of my camera were completely baffled by the ON/OFF switch on the camera microphone, so they were able to capture my moment of glory on video -but no audio.


I would have been happy with no video and only audio, but no… this is what I get for associating with a bunch of drug addicts and alcoholics. Anyway, I think jonny may have gotten most of my set on his cell phone, so if he is still alive and not in jail I still might be able to share my ten minutes of glory with you guys. At the end of my set I even “negged, stretched and reported” everyone.

The Fitzdog went up after me and I have to say, not only is this guy a beast on stage, he is one of the nicest guys I have ever met. We talked for awhile backstage and I was really impressed with how personable and open he was. Most comics are really depressing, bitter and angry people, but The Fitzdog opened up and really made me feel like an equal even though I basically had no business being there.

Greg Fitzsimmons

In case you are wondering -here is a glimpse of the celebrity treatment you are provided with at The Moore once you have reached the level of A-List talent.

This is the bathroom… I really had to take a shit, but refrained from doing so in fear of completely ruining the Green Room not only for the evening, but for future generations to come. There’s barely enough room in there to turn around and shut the door.


This is the snack table, which was basically just two bottles of cheap wine (which jonny and I promptly drank) and a cheese plate. Once again proving that Rogan is a down to earth dude, because if I were selling out The Moore, I would insist on nothing less than $60,000 worth of drugs, booze and whores in the Green Room… not $17 worth of snacks from Safeway.


This is a random sink in the corner of the Green Room because there is not enough space to put one in the bathroom. That’s right, you can’t even wash your hands after taking a shit in this place… classy.


Which reminds me… when we pulled up at The Moore, the guy working the door seemed to be completely unprepared for our arrival. The lot was full and when we asked him where we could park, he said he would see if there was room in the parking garage around the corner… so he leaves us there, just idling in the alley while a crowd of gawkers slowly surrounded the SUV in a scene straight out of “Night of The Living Dead”. Right when I thought I might have to leap from the vehicle and protect Rogan from this swarm of pasty skinned, sun deprived, vitamin deficient vegan Seattle-lites the doorman returned and pointed to a truck parked in a prime spot right next to the door.

“That’s my truck.” he said.

“I guess I can move that and let you park there.”

Gee, you think so? You think maybe you can move your truck and generously allow the headliner a parking space by the door? Good to know this was option number two though… hey, let me see if I can find a place for you down the street before handing over my totally bitchin’ parking space. After all, he probably had to make Employee of The Month in order to get that space.

Anyway, Rogan went up for about an hour and a half and of course, he completely destroyed the place. I would say that I have not heard at least 80% of the material he went up with and it was all high level, killer stuff. I have no idea how he finds the time to write all this material.

Here are a couple of pics I snapped from backstage.



As usual, Rogan took all of us out to dinner after the show. Despite the fact that we were viciously attacked by a rat the size of a pony last time we ate at this place, Rogan wanted to give them a second chance. After all, it’s basically right across the street from The Moore and they offered us a free slice of cheesecake once they discovered that my girlfriend had been infected with rabies after the rat incident.

This is Richard, muwt, redban, Fitzsimmons and Rogan at the dinner table.


After dinner, Rogan and Fitzsimmons wisely headed back to the hotel while redban, Richard, jonny and myself headed out to the bars. Ever since the day jonny almost died after I took him to this funky little absinthe bar near the market, he attempts to relive that glorious evening every chance he gets. redban had never had a glass of absinthe and of course, Richard “Heartland of America” Sugarbush had practically never even heard of the stuff -so away we went.

As soon as we entered the bar, Richard noticed they did not stock Miller Lite and he instantly launched into an angry tirade about this fact. He was standing on his bar stool shaking his fists in the air and questioning the credibility of any establishment that did not carry such a fine beverage.

This is when I knew the evening would most likely not end well. Somehow, I managed to calm Richard while ordering a round of absinthe for us all (which redban rather graciously paid for), but the bartender was already pissed. She was mean mugging Richard and asked him if she should even bother serving him.

Once we settled into our drinks, redban fell in love with the cute emo/goth bartender and started to flirt a little. This chick was not having it though. This is how I remember a portion of the conversation between them.

redban: You have a great smile. You’re really cute when you smile. You should smile more.

emo/goth bartender: I fucking hate it when people tell me to smile. It’s my biggest pet peeve… really pisses me off.

At that point, I seriously expected one of us to get punched in the face by a girl.

Somehow, miraculously -I managed to get the bartender chick laughing and smiling a bit and just when I thought all was well with the world, I hear a loud crash and the sound of broken glass… it was like one of those moments in the movies when the needle grinds across the record and everything goes quiet while all eyes turn to stare… at Richard… standing in the hallway near the bathroom with a broken bottle of Bud Lite between his feet.

This was not good considering he had already been warned before he even started drinking and as the bouncers approached, he started complaining loudly about the “dangerously uneven floors” and how he would “have the city come in here and shut this whole den of snakes run by gypsies and thieves down.”

A single glass of absinthe costs $14, so naturally we just politely sipped our drinks and began damage control while watching our buddy Richard get drug from the building. After all, Richard is a big boy with a cell phone and an ATM card and when you party with savages you have to be prepared to fend for yourself or get left behind.

“I swear I just met that guy tonight,” I said.

“We bumped into him outside and he just started following us around,” jonny chimed in.

Once again, I went to work bringing the bartender back around to our side so we could continue drinking and just when I thought I had her figured out -redban said something about her “butthole”.

I don’t really remember exactly what it was and I’m sure it was meant to be a compliment, but she didn’t seem to think so. Fortunately, before she could punch us in the face Richard came barreling back in through the front door yelling something about how he had to take a piss. Strangely, they let him back in and escorted him to the bathroom. Afterward, he tried to saddle back up to the bar, but they were not having it and once again, we watched while these guys drug him out of there while he was screaming about “dirty gypsy thieves” and snakes and what not.

That’s when the bartender picked up the phone and called the cops while jonny stepped outside to mediate this madness. I knew if I stepped outside, I would probably end up in jail too -so I just stayed put and jonny literally saved young Richard’s life by calling him a cab just seconds before the cops arrived.

That’s right, Richard now owes a life debt to jonny and is his man-slave.

On our way back to the hotel we met a couple of frumpy lesbian chicks who recognized redban and I from the show. They made it pretty clear that they were willing to degrade themselves for a couple of A-list celebrities such as ourselves, but ultimately I realized I did not want to see redban naked -so I bailed… I vaguely recall heading back to jonny’s neck of the woods and stumbling through the streets attempting to locate more booze in vain.

I think this might be when I attempted to call Richard… at first to see if he was alright and make sure he did not wind up in jail, but at the last second something came over me and… well… this is the voice message I apparently left… I say “apparently”, because I don’t quite recall actually making this phone call… sounds like me though.


All told, it was an epic journey once again and Rogan is truly an amazing guy and great friend to come out and pod with us and to put a no name like me up in front of a sold out show at The Moore not once, but twice. redban is a hilarious guy and I think the people who hate on him just haven’t spent any time with the guy. Have a few drinks with the guy and you will see he’s just a unique dude… no need to hate. Fitzsimmons is an animal and if you don’t seek out his comedy right now, you are completely missing out on some of the best standup out there.

I guess the only thing left to say is, powerful Joe Rogan.

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